Try Not to Die Until You're Dead - Svalbard

I smile to trick the fear inside me

I smile to seem like I’m improving

But the brave grin does not go in

A surface layer painted on the skin

Of a body that is facing uncertainty

Yesterday I chased a dream

Now I just want to be able to sleep

Suddenly riddled with incapability

Funny how illness changes everything

Never really believed in believing

Until I had to believe I would get better

And that was all I had, no knowledge or progress

Just hope, wafer thin hope

Clung onto with a fist

Must try not to damage it

I must believe

And even if I don’t get better

Thanks for sitting with me while I cried

Thanks for easing the hours when I was too weak to stand

Thanks for all the little detours where we wandered off together

And found things more important than what we want

Those are truly treasured moments

And believe me I know

That it’s hard to have hope

But I will try not to die until I am dead

I will try not to die until I am dead

I may be aching and exhausted but life’s not over yet

So it doesn’t hurt to hope and it will never hurt to try

Try not to die until you’re dead