School Sucks - Anthony Jeselnik

One year in High School I ran for Class President, and I lost

To a girl in a wheelchair…

Now I’m not ashamed I know she definetely got the sympathy vote,

but that’s just because I ran really negative campaign…

A vote for Anthony…

His ideas have legs…

You should all be laughing at that joke…

There’s no ramp here…

This is fucking easy…

I’m like eight minutes in

CD’s already gone gold…

When I was in College I got stuck in a dormroom, with this guy from Eastern

Europe

Now I don’t know if there’s a problem, with people from Eastern Europe

But this guy would not shower, or use deodorant

But I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he smelled bad

So one morning I left him a note…

It said: «Dear Olaf…

Get out of my Country.»

God I loved College…

College was so great

The only thing I didn’t like about college was Calculus

Did you guys take that shit?

Hated Calculus, hated it

And I was failing Calculus so badly, that I tried to get my girlfriend,

to sleep with my proffesor

To get me an A

But you know how chicks are…

She forgot to mention me…

My little brother, is in High School right now.

'n we’re close

But sometimes he’ll take advantage of that

Last week he calls me up and he goes «Anthony, I just cut school for no reason

Now I need you, to write me a sick note, and then forge dads signature»

And I did it, but I’m horrible at stuff like that

His teacher just took one look at the note and said «Mickey, you expect me to believe this…

You don’t have AIDS.»

And now if you like that AIDS joke…

Lucky day

You are gonna love

You are gonna Love this next AIDS joke

I just got an E-mail, from an ex-girlfriend of mine telling me that she has AIDS

And I didn’t know how to comfort her

So I just wrote back… «I know.»

…

Maybe some of you guys noticed a pattern here…

These are all great jokes…

I just got back from my 10 year High School reunion

The Prom Queen now weighs 300 pounds, and has 3 kids

Heart-breaking…

She used to have 5 kids