Your Dogs - Ben Folds, Nick Hornby

I see it all, I get it, I promise you I do

Your mom walked out on you when you were only two

You’ve grown up believing that this country hates the poor

You’re a dad three times over and you’re only twenty-four

The Christians on the radio, they act like you’re scum

Self-righteous condescending bastards, each and every one

I don’t read the Bible but I try to love you, man

Every flaw and violent act, I think I understand

But your dogs, your dogs, what’s fun about those?

And that tat on your neck, and that ring through your nose?

The weed, the junk food, the violent pornography

Don’t you think you’d want to be

Just a little bit more like me?

I still have high hopes you could join our community

There’s more of us than you now, but we’d welcome the diversity

You’re not white trash, like the other neighbors say

If you want to challenge stereotyping, join the PTA

At night, when your pit bulls are scaring our children

My wife, I’ll be honest here, wants me to shoot them

And sometimes I let my fantasies run

But that’s only at night, when I’m not really thinking

And you’re listening to Metallica in your backyard and drinking

The rest of the time I think we get along fine

I never judge you, I’m a live-and-let-live guy

But your dogs, your dogs, what’s fun about those?

And that tat on your neck, and that ring through your nose?

The weed, the junk food, the violent pornography

Don’t you think you’d want to be

Just a little bit more like me?