Bon Vivant - Bing Crosby, Fred Astaire

I had a dear old guardian

And he had ways Edwardian

A tea every day, if he burped he would say

Oh I beg your pardion to me

Now I’ve obtained seniority

And come to my majority

I’ve traveled far

Tasted snails, caviar

So with some authority I say

If you want a Bon Vivant to brighten up the scene

Or a jolly extra man to give the party sheen

Strolling on the Parthenon, or bowling on the green

I play mandolin 'n tambourine

Will travel

If you want a Bon Vivant who only aims to please

Punting on the Hellesponts for at my lady’s tease

Tickling her fancies

And her risibilities

Just drop a note to me

My services are free

For I’m the Bon Vivant you want

All around the ante room

The butler chased the maid

Out the door and down the path

And through the leafy glade

Using my binoculars, I followed the parade

While the soup was getting cold

He still perused her

Though his eel persistent, still his efforts went for not

She opened up an early leave

And never would be caught

When the race was over, and seeing her distraught

I took her in my arms

Allaying her alarms

Saying I’m the Bon vivant you want

Now for the life men dream about

Days that a king might scheme about

Once I have got my palatial yacht

I shall slowly steam about the brine

Fie on the word 'economy'

I’ll live a life of bonhomie

Sail into port for a life pour le sport

Full of rare gastronomy and wine

Visiting my auntie boo in tiny liechtenstein

Strolling through ze meadowlands amongst ze lowing kine

Flirting mit ze milking maid mit cheeks of apple shine

Strolling up the timber line und sheeing

Dueling the Hapsburgs ah ze carefree days zey vere

Yust before the chancellor positioned up ze Ruhr

Drinking beer at Heidelberg and holding hands with her

My consort is the maid, who made the butler fade

So if you need a pair for your piét de tierre

Just drop a note to me and for a modest fee

I’ll be the bon vivant you want