I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks - Bloodhound Gang

If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I’ll have the poo-poo platter

My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec.

class

Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass

I said guys I’m like you I like Monster Trucks too

Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?

I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don’t dig

Chicks that don’t dig guys like me See I’m not queer I’m too ugly

But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo

phony

Maybe it’s a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity

But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry

Scoring with a super model would be easy

Cause 'super model’means voluptuous but is also is synonymous with

'super dumb'

Ya see I’d be a good listener so she’d treat me like a sister and soon

I’d become

That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair

No it wouldn’t be a week before I’m in her underwear

I wish I was queer so I could get chicks

Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don’t dig

Chicks that don’t dig guys like me