A Christmas Carol - Christmas Songs

One very familiar type of song is the Christmas carol.

Although it is perhaps a bit out of season at this time.

However, I’m informed by my disk jockey friends — of whom

I have none, that in order to get a song popular by Christmas

Time, you have to start plugging it well in advance.

So here

Goes.

It has always seemed to me after all, that Christmas,

With it’s spirit of giving, offers us all a wonderful opportunity

Each year to reflect on what we all most sincerely and deeply

Believe in — I refer of course, to money.

And yet none of the

Christmas carols that you hear on the radio or in the street,

Even attempt to capture the true spirit of Christmas as we Celebrate it in the United States, that is to say the commercial

Spirit.

So I should like to offer the following Christmas carol

For next year, as being perhaps a bit more appropriate.

Christmas time is here, by golly

Disapproval would be folly

Deck the halls with hunks of holly

Fill the cup and don’t say when

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens

Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens

Even though the prospect sickens

Brother, here we go again

On Christmas Day you can’t get sore

Your fellow man you must adore

There’s time to rob him all the more

The other three hundred and sixty-four

Relations, sparing no expense, 'll

Send some useless old utensil

Or a matching pen and pencil

(«Just the thing I need, how nice!»)

It doesn’t matter how sincere it is Nor how heart felt the spirit

Sentiment will not endear it What’s important is the price

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings

Advertising wondrous things

God rest ye merry merchants

May ye make the Yuletide pay

Angels we have heard on high

Tell us to go out and — buy!

So let the raucous sleighbells jingle

Hail our dear old friend Kriss Kringle

Driving his reindeer across the sky

Don’t stand underneath when they fly by

(Spoken)

Actually I did rather well myself, this last Christmas.

The nicest present I received was a gift certificate

«Good at any hospital for a lobotomy»… rather thoughtful.