Unsure - Elsewhere

Is it too late to pull myself out of this tide?

And try to find a reason to stay alive

Because everything I hold onto is weighted in time

So giving up has had the same effect as trying

So I’ll take the last antidepressant that I have left

With a bottle of whatever washes away the past

In hopes that I can finally start to feel again

Or at least, be able to forget

And I know I should be grateful, because relatively I am blessed

But that doesn’t mean that I’m immune to drowning in this loneliness

And the more we spin around, the more hopeless I become

Feeling like I don’t mean anything to anyone

Because I spent my youth wishing I would die

But I know that when I’m older I’ll wish for more time

I’ve learned to live peacefully inside a clouded mind

But I’m not convinced I make things better by being alive

I know that when I’m older I’ll wish for more time

We’re sinking in currents, each revolution declines

I know that when I’m older, I’ll wish for a way

To bring back the nervousness, worry, and anxiety

I’d rather be unsure than to know