Hetty O'Hara Confidential - Elvis Costello

Hetty said if you ask me nicely

I’ll write you up well

Don’t tell me twice

Or «e you directly

Or you’ll pay the price

I’ll peel off your skin like a thin veneer

If someone tells me something that I didn’t hear from you

Who’s got the dope?

Who’s got the potential?

Hetty O’Hara Confidential

Those were different days

Those were different drugs

From a gold-plated palace with the half-mast flags

To a chalk lined body that was full of slugs

She was trading favors for footnote plugs

Who’s got the needle?

Who is fit to burst?

A morphine tattoo on an unquenchable thirst

Who’s got your girlfriend?

And who had her first?

Reading her column was essential

Hetty O’Hara Confidential

She could kill a man with a single stroke

She is not the one you want to provoke

If you can’t take the heat

Or you can’t take a joke

Who’s got the dope?

Who’s got the potential?

Hetty O’Hara Confidential

If there was a gentleman caller

To a comely wench

And a snooping peeper

In a coat of trench

She’d place a line or two

At the foot of the page

A cue or a clue

To the latest rage

With your true dimensions

And your actual age

Trade a life of scandal

For a career on the stage

These little things seem inconsequential

Except to Hetty O’Hara Confidential

On the night he came home

From the debutante ball

Passed out drunk on the bathroom floor

Call-girl called after taking a peek

At the secret drawer of atomic secrets

Repeating something that I whispered about

They have to take it

But they can’t dish it out

Who’s cleaning up his act?

And breaking the bank?

But unfortunately didn’t remember to thank me

But now the rumor is doing the rounds

That his only friends

Are villains and scoundrels

Her reputation curled like yellow smoke

She named the wrong man in the story she broke

She had an unfortunate character trait

The irresistible impulse to assassinate

But the damage she did was quite substantial

Hetty O’Hara Confidential

They’ve got witch trials now

With witches to spare

And a jukebox jury full of judgement and fury

With bright neon dresses and porn star hair

She was thrown to the wolves

Or the dogs or the foxes

Once they’d had their fill of shares and stocks

Their gaze is unforgiving

If your morals are lax

Pointing manicured fingers and making a mockery

With voices that sound like broken crockery

Hetty said «I'm powerless and I feel alone…»

Now everyone has a megaphone

Who’s got the dope?

Who’s got the potential?

Hetty O’Hara Confidential