Sulphur to Sugarcane - Elvis Costello

It’s not very far from Sulfur to Sugarcane

Everywhere I travel the pretty girls call my name

I give them a squeeze and they shoot me a wink

I buy their hard-headed husbands a long cool drink

You better come up smelling sweet

'Cause you’re a long time stinking

It’s a little too late to complain

It’s not very far from Sulfur to Sugarcane

Now if you catch my eye and you find that it runs down your leg

It’s like striking a match pretty hard upon a powder keg

They tell you from the borders to the waters of the gulf

If you take all the sugar, you will end up in the sulfur

And you’re burning, hello baby I’m pleased to meet you

I wouldn’t do you wrong, honey, I wouldn’t cheat you, honey

When can I see you again?

Wrap you up in cellophane

It’s not very far from Sulfur to Sugarcane

It’s not very far from Sulfur to Sugarcane

When your eyes fill up with brine

'Cause you’re drowning in wine

It’s like the last days of Rome

With the despots and divine

And there’s no place like home

For a little doll from China

It’s a little too late to complain

It’s not very far from Sulfur to Sugarcane

You can go west to Texas

Go east to Mississippi

You can run out of money

You can run out of pity

Throw open your purse

Until you’re crying for mercy

Go to Alabama, escape Louisiana

I’m digging like a miner

North and South Carolina

And then if you continue

You will end up in Virginia

The women in Poughkeepsie

Take their clothes off when they’re tipsy

But in Albany, New York

They love the filthy way I talk

Until they gargle with the finest champagne

They can’t get the grape and the grain

It’s not very far from Sulfur to Sugarcane

It’s not very far from Sulfur to Sugarcane

If I could find a piano

Here in Bloomington, Indiana

I would play it with my toes

Until the girls all take their clothes off

The women knock upon my door in odd and even numbers

But none of them as wild as I’ve discovered in Columbus

I gave up married women 'cause I heard it was a sin

But now I’m back in Pittsburgh, I might take it up again

Because they gargle with the finest champagne

They can’t get the grape and the grain

It’s not very far from Sulfur to Sugarcane

It’s not very far from Sulfur to Sugarcane

Up in Syracuse, I was falsely accused

But I’m not here to hurt you

I’m here to steal your virtue

Down in Bridgeport

The women will kill you for sport

But in Worcester, Massachusetts

They love my sauce

The women in Poughkeepsie

Take their clothes off when they’re tipsy

But I hear in Ypsilanti

They don’t wear any panties

Once they gargle with the finest champagne

They hitch up their skirts and exclaim

It’s not very far, sugar, it’s not very far, sugar

Pour a little sugar on me, sugar

It’s not very far from Sulfur to Sugarcane