Wtf Collective 3 - Jon LaJoie

Yo!

MC Confusing!

WTF 3 motherfuckers!

Got more hamstrings than a pile of wings!

Bringing DVDs to a blind date!

First on the deck, Everyday Normal Guy!

Everyday Normal Guy here to get the track started

My average lyrics are between genius and retarded

I drink tap water and watch all the s

I put my 30-dollar pants on one leg at a time

Sleep eight hours a night, eat three meals a day

I’m motherfucking content, I have no reason to complain

I have a roof over my head and I got clothes on my back

My verse is done.

It wasn’t great, but hey, it wasn’t that bad

Yo, I’m MC Uses Time Machines Irresponsibly

Went back and found Judas Iscariot in 33AD

Gave him 31 pieces of silver to rat out the wrong guy

Then I planed monsanto seeds in dinosaur times

Gave Bill Gates my iPhone in 1973

Then I traveled in time to the night I was conceived

I met up with my parents and we hung out all night

Come to think of it, they didn’t have any alone time

(No…)

MC Nauseous up in this montherfucker

I don’t feel so hot shit I think that I am gonna--

(Bluurg!)

Why’m I so sick, what’d I eat?

Cat food will make expired yogurt taste less like cheese

(Oh right)

MC Cock-Blocks Himself, hey girl what’s up?

You so sexy, we should probably hook up

Crawl in a hot tub with a bottle of champagne

By the way, I have a girlfriend and I think I might have AIDS

(Where you going?)

MC Necrophiliac

Where are my dead bodies at?

Crashing funerals just so that I can get a whiff of that

Decomposing bodies, they’re my favorite aphrodisiac

Flatlining gives me a Pavlovian erection in my pants

Turn-offs include breathing, pulses, and signs of life

My turn-ons are rigor mortis, cold flesh, and suicide

If you’re not stiff as a board

I won’t be stiff and I’ll be bored

Wait, what do we have here?

Looks like I’m about to score

Wait a minute… no!

No!

No--

You have to be kidding me!

(What the fuck’s going on?)

This cannot be happening

(I don’t wanna do this anymore!)

This must be a bad dream

(Leave me alone!)

Why am I still singing?

(I motherfucking killed myself!)

Yo, MC Gets Sidetracked Easily back in the heezy

By heezy I mean house but not the show, I think it’s cheesy

My favorite show is, that guy is also in 6 feet

Under my first experience with death when I was just sixteen

My dog got run over by a truck and its head exploded

Like Robert Patrick in when he’s frozen

It’s freezing in Iceland, I was just there on holiday

Hold on, I think I got lost again, what was I trying to say?

I was MC Who Couldn’t Speak In the Present Tense

I’m gonna have a lot of money and my dick was immense

It would’ve been difficult, people assumed I was a retard

I’ll have a serious problem, communicating was hard

Yo, I’m MC Constipation

It has been three days since

My last bowel movement, I’m starting to get impatient

Spent hours on the toilet, yet nothing ever comes out of it

Intestines like politicians, they’re constantly full of shit

I wish my bowel movements were a little more like my rhymes

Always smooth and free-flowing, it would save me a lot of time

Push for hours with no result, not even a brown Brussels sprout

My shit’s like a gay republican, it’s not planning on coming out

Yo, I’m MC Invisible, you can’t see me

The only rapper in this industry that can’t be seen

With the naked eye

I won’t lie

It’s hard to get a fanbase

When image is everything and I literally don’t have a face

I’m MC On the Phone With Ted Danson, keep it down!

Just skip to the next verse, I’m on the phone with Ted Danson!

Not now!

(Hold on, Ted)

I don’t wanna be in this song anymore, leave me alone!

This is more important--I'm on the phone with the guy who played Sam Malone!

Yo, I’m MC Confusing rapping up the song

Like a Plasticine high-fiving a helicopter thong

I got ricochet highlights

From the fleet fox’s knife guy

We out like a rice fighting

A vampire’s wife life

Maye this isn’t so bad

(Better than my last job)

Taking it in the ass for cash

(20 bucks a pop)

Maybe things will turn around

(Being a zombie’s pretty cool)

Things couldn’t get worse anyhow

Yeah, that’s right.

Oh you gonna get it, you little dead bitch.

No!

No!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, I spoke too soon.

Ugh, that used to be so gross!

It’s just a guy having sex with a dead body.

There’s nothing--

(Bluurg!)

Dude, you just puked all over me!

Sorry.

That’s a good idea, I should get an enema.

Enemas, puke, guys having sex with dead bodies… you ready to go back to my

place?

Ugh!

What am I doing wrong?

Did I miss anything?