Friendship (01-11-47) - Louis Jordan

Zeke, you dirty so and so, I wanna talk to you, Zeke.

You ain’t no good, and I ain’t no refrigerator.

I can’t keep nothin'.

Pay attention to me.

Now listen, old man, you and me been friends for a long time,

and up 'til now we’ve been gettin' along just fine.

But there’s a few

little things I gotta pull your coat about.

You pay attention to me and we ain’t gonna fall out.

I work nights and I think you’ve been very kind comin' over and

stayin' with my wife all the time.

But must you use my razor blades?

Buy some, they’re only a dime.

You call that friendship?

And stop doin' them little dirty tricks like jammin' the chair up against the door.

You kept me out last night until half past four.

I know you didn’t mean any harm, but that’s enough to make anybody sore.

You call that friendship?

What about that night you came and took my wife to the show?

I asked her

what movie she saw and she said she didn’t know.

I told her she couldn’t see so good,

so don’t sit back that far no more.

(You ain’t no good).

That’s right, Zeke,

you ain’t no good.

Now I don’t get mad like the average cat would do, when she buys me a shirt

and she buys you two.

But when she feeds you chicken and steak, and give me Irish stew,

you’re a lizard in the bushes, that’s what you are, that’s what you are.

And you stop feedin' her that candy and sweet stuff to eat.

That jive is makin'

her talk in her sleep.

She kept me awake all last night mumblin' your name

and sayin' «sure is sweet».

You ain’t no friend of mine, Zeke.

No friend of mine.

But I will tell you, Zeke,

I’m real happy.

I’m happy as can be about that big insurance policy you and my wife took

out on me.

But what’s all that arsenic doin' round the house?

That’s what I can’t see.

Zeke,

you tryin' to poison something?

That’s what you don', you tryin' to poison

somethin'.

And what about that night I came home and caught that lipstick on your face.

Yo and my wife broke up the fun and your wrastlin' all over the place.

And you told me you’s playin' Cowboy and Indian and you was Chief Rain In the Face.

You don’t look like

no Indian to me, but I’m gonna scalp ya.

That’s what’s gonna happen.

I’m gonna scalp ya.

And even when we went on our honeymoon, the bell boy told me you rented the

very next room.

I know you my friend, but I didn’t wanna see you that soon.

Don’t you never

speak to me no more,

Zeke.

do you call that friendship?

(No! No!) You ain’t no friend of mine.