We Carry the Feeling - Nana Grizol

Search through the sky for a sign or a simple suggestion

I waited all night but I was fast asleep when it knocked upon my door

It gets lonely here when it’s just me and my questions

Jetsam in the ether, pulsar’s pull not drawing anymore

I remember it like yesterday

I thought that you were lovely I just didn’t know what to say

There’s all these protocols that get in the way

We were on the edge of seventeen

All we knew to say were things we didn’t mean

I still impressed you with my wit it seemed

I learned so much from magazines and television

About how men relate through rules to tell them how

And oh I saw the signals with precision

The moments when our habits faltered

Omens of desires unhaltered

It wasn’t long 'til we were sharing beds

With different dressings on the dreams appearing in our heads

I wanted a lover you a brother instead

Either way these things were hard to name

Never quite knowing did we feel the same

After a while all I could feel was shame

Stef she said I shouldn’t see you anymore

Clyde he tried to call me on the phone — to say —

Some loves are labors lost oh but I’m never sure

There’s nothing they could say that made me

Ever really want to be alone

And I felt a funny face, was a worthless waste, caught a hopeless case

For sweet boys on sweaty days, don’t know what we craved, it remains unspoken

The longing outlived the place, our artistic taste, it outlived the clothes we

wore

When I feel uncertain now, I remember how we carry the feeling

But those were stories we saved for dark

That lost the plot before the bending arc

Except once when we were drunk and then you hit me hard

And so I faded to a distant star

In the brightest company but everything was so far

Thinking lifetimes pass us, gaseous, things just stay as they are

I tried to chalk it up to expectation

Or believe that what I wanted was just wrong

But now I better understand assimilation

I closed ranks among the ones who felt I

Never quite belonged among them

And I felt a funny face, was a worthless waste, caught a hopeless case

For sweet boys on sweaty days, don’t know what we craved, it remains unspoken

The longing outlived the place, our artistic taste, it outlived the clothes we

wore

When I feel uncertain now, I remember how we carry the feeling