Dead Gods - Nekroí Theoí

I am deep in the valley

I am covered in the shadow

I am wallowing in the death

And I reach out for You

I cry out for You

And I hear a voice inside my head

That sounds like me

And I try to reconcile

Rationalize with apologetics

In battle against my better judgment

Spinning the wheels of my theology

To deflect the answers of questions

I’m too afraid to ask

What am I to do with this?

Such a cognitive dissonance

If the truth is really what I seek

Then why is this so threatening?

My savior so real and powerful

Reduced to a name in a gallery

My god so mighty and tall

Was it ever even You at all?

My rock

Falling apart

Without You

What is my truth?

I have been striving so long to emulate Your spirit

Why has my greatest moral conviction come in the form of denying You?

The damage I have wrought I cannot erase

But if I seek to move forward in any sort of truth

I cannot move with You

This is where I must decide

Do I pursue what is holy?

Or do I fight for what is just

Here in the terror of awareness

I see the true direction of the path I claim to walk

The destination now clouded in the most lucid of fog

I squint my eyes to try and make out Your shape

I’m searching for any remnants of You

Tracing shadows in my mind’s eye

Losing Your silhouette with every detail made clear around me

I thought that it was You who found me in the dark

But now as I fumble through that same darkness

I feel the cracks in the land

But I cannot find Your hand

I know where this goes

I have always known

My perpetual fear

Now inescapable as I turn my mind south of what is sacred

Every point I obfuscated now cornering me against a painfully concrete wall

I would reject the upper hand if I could

But I can’t escape the truth

Since I could form words

The only words I knew to form were in exaltation of my gods

Gods of capital, gods of patriots, gods of the status quo

I saw their flags as the Shroud of Turin

I embedded them within my skin

I knew that voice in my head was You

I knew the bones in the mountains were proof

I’m crying out to you louder than ever before

GOD PLEASE SPEAK TO ME

I am left with an echo and a moment to process

This is it

This is it

This is it

To step forward is to step alone

The return is denial

There is no compromise

Here

Now

My gods die