Last Time That I Saw You - Patent Pending

The Last time that I saw you I was drunk as hell

Apologies are probably in order I can tell

From the pictures that you posted

I look liquid, I look toasted

And I probably owe you money as well

I was faced, I was faded

I was sixteen types of wasted

I was trading shirts with dudes I didn’t know

I was toes up and I fell down

Crowned the mayor of Tipsy Town

From the second that I started I was done

I’m sorry but the last time that I saw you I was drunk

Normally I’m not the one who gets carried home

And typically you won’t find me drunk texting on my phone

I’m not a bro, I’m not out for trouble

But hot damn, I was seeing double

Singing karaoke, it was Journey all night long

DON’T STOP BELIEVING!

I was ripped, obliterated

I don’t want to see my credit card statement

'Cause I was throwing back Jack like Slash in '92

'CAUSE WE IN THE JUNGLE, BABY!

I was pissed, I was plowed

I was messed up, blacked out

This hangover is gonna last a month

I’m sorry but the last time that I saw you I was drunk

I got a YOLO tattoo

Drunk dialed everyone I knew

A shopping spree on Amazon

What the hell was going on?

Apparently I drank a bit too much

I’m sorry but the last time that I saw you I was drunk and useless

Woke up, I was handcuffed to a briefcase, I was clueless, how did I do this?

And when I went to call the next day

I remembered that I lost my phone in a midnight Mickey D’s melee,

how the hell did I get this way?