The Craigslist Couch Song - Rhett and Link, Bart Baker

Mr. Fly has been compromised

(Mr. Fly is our couch, we named it that)

A rat has taken up residence inside

(It's a long story)

Where does one turn

When one needs

A new place to sit

Think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think

Craigslist!

Beatrice has been compromised

(Beatrice is my couch, I named her that…)

Now it’s red

Though it once was white

(I have chronic nosebleeds.)

How in the world

Would one get rid of this?

Think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think

Craigslist!

I’m posting an ad

We’re replying to an ad

On Craigslist!

It looks like a real red couch!

Look at this real red couch

On Craigslist!

(We gotta snag this couch, man

I’m gonna call him)

Boop, boop, boop, boop

Beedee boop boop boop

Boop

Riiiing, riiiing, riii —

Hello…

(Uh, hello, um, I’m calling)

You calling about a couch?

(Yeah, I am…)

I knew it, I could smell you from here

(Uh, okay well um, I just — I’m interested in it)

Just come along then, bring your roommate and come on by

I’m here waiting for you, boys

You can’t see me, can you?

(No)

Okay good, keep it that way until you get here

(Come right now?)

You better get here real quick

I gotta bathe my mother

Goodbye

We’re buying a sofa

Yeah that’s what we’re gonna do

But I’m pretty sure we’re buying it

From a sketchy, sketchy, sketchy, sketchy, sketchy dude

(Here we are, we’re at the front door

Should I knock or should I ring the -)

Ring the doorbell

(Okay…

Ding dong

Ding dong

Ding dong ding dong)

Hey, hey Phillip

(Uh, I’m not Phillip)

You smell different when you’re awake…

You got a real nice forehead…

(Thanks… I mean, I usually cover it up, but)

Well let me ask you a question

I lost my tangerine potato smoothie

Can I check y’all’s hairs for it?

We’re not buying a sofa

That’s not what we’re gonna do

Cause he’s most definitely

The most sketchy, sketchy, sketchy, sketchiest of dudes!

(Let's get out of here…)

Dolphins are the best food