God of No More - Starbomb

I am Kratos, The Destroyer

I’m the harbinger of death

All of the Gods tremble before me

As they draw their final breath

In my first twelve games, I murdered every Lord the earth has seen

Now what immortal foes await me here in God of War 13?

Kratos, you are power mad!

You’re evil and insane!

Your killing streak was vicious

Now only us lesser Gods remain

You slayed my father, Ares

The overlord of endless war

So now you’ll face me, Chaires

The overlord of Chairs and Drawers!

Let’s do this!

The world’s out of control

Zeus and his clan had gone

Kratos killed them all

And now we’re running out of Gods

The ones that we have left

They’re not the best, but they’re our last line of defense

So, here comes Spermes

The God of Busting Nuts

The Mighty Twerkeles

He is the Lord of Jiggly Butts

And no, not all is lost

We have Posoydon sacred God of Sushi Sauce

ENOUGH!

Don’t mock me with these weaklings

I could slay with my bare hands!

I killed the God of Love, the God of Light, and the God of One-Night Stands!

I killed the God of Tweezers, Puppets, Speedos, Footballs, Skiis, and Sand

And I even ew-slay the ittle-lay itch-bay od-gay of Pig Latin!

No more of these pathetic pawns

Their blood has all been spilled

We shall unleash a champion

That’s worthy of your skill

Now here he is, from distant lands

Our savior so divine

What’s up, Kratos?

I’m the God of Baked Potatoes

OW, MY SPINE!

Holy shit there’s more

He’s mowing through them all

There goes the God of S’mores

And also Thumbtacks, Lamps, and Balls

Just one last god remains

Who is this mystery, lord?

He shall save our domain!

I am the God of That Thing Where You’re Just About To Sneeze

But Then Your Friend Is All «Hey, What’s Up?»

And You Suddenly Freeze

But Then You Still Have That Nose Tingle

It’s A Horrible Tease

And You’re Like «FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!»

Auughhh!

Agh, Kratos, you are such a dick!

Yes, I know

It’s awesome