Artificial Insemination - Tig Notaro

You guys don’t wanna have kids

Do you?

Ya I do with all of you

I think we’re gonna make great parents

The weekends are gonna be tough

Splitting up the time but we’re gonna do it

I think I have to get artificially inseminated

I love that it’s called that

Cause it not like you’re not getting inseminated

You’re getting inseminated

If it was artificial you’d go in for your doctor’s appointment

And they insert one of those sponge creatures inside of you that expands

And nine months later … a velasture rapture

Hey somebody artificially inseminated me

Who is the wise guy?

But I also love the idea of getting artificially inseminated

And just giving it up for adoption

It turns out I don’t want that child after all