This Song Sucks - Starbomb

Yo, Egoraptor!

'Sup, Danny?

This is the last song of what might be the last Starbomb album, which means

we’ve gotta bring it!

A’ight, let’s go through our rejected song ideas that we never used and find a

winner

Hell yeah!

Yo, what about a song where Eggman cooks eggs

That are poisoned and designed to paralyze Sonic’s legs?

Or a rap about butts, called Ass-Ass-in's Creed?

Or Final Fantasy 50: The Really, Really Final Fantasy?

A Smash game where no one fights 'cause they’re all too busy clappin'

Silent Hill’s a game about a hill where nothin' happens

Or the new Chokèmon game that’s now sweeping the nation

About Squirtle trying autoerotic asphyxiation, baby!

What about that thing like, where you’re on Yoshi’s back-

Y’know, you suggest this every album

Hey, just give me a sec!

And you’re falling in a pit, and you have to jump away

And Yoshi-

Falls and dies-

It’s really funny, okay?!

This is usually the part where I sing the chorus out

But we haven’t established what this song is all about!

Then I chime in real quick, for just a second

As the character delivers a line that reminds us of the joke

And I’ll respond with harmonies, isn’t that dope?

Maybe a Resident Evil wherein the T-Virus mutates

Into the D-Virus that makes all the zombies masturbate

Sonic runs and breaks out of the TV like an acrobat

And ends up in the real world where he’s fucked by a housecat

A bathroom where the toilet is a portal instead-

-with another on the ceiling so you’ll poop on your head!

An MMO where you’re a prostitute — World of Whorecraft!

How about Kingdom Farts… pause for laugh?

Bomberman goes through the TSA, and you can guess the rest

Or how about if Kirby eats his foes and actually digests?

Grand Theft Auto but you’re in a neverending traffic jam!

Sonic Boom!

Where’s the joke?

That is the joke!

Oh damn!

This is where the song concept should heighten for effect!

If you think we use that formula a lot, you are correct!

Arin should come back in now, but he’s busy eating lunch!

So I’ll just end the chorus with something funny that rhymes

Sonic runs so fast, that he keeps on hitting things

All his bones start to shatter as he’s flashing, shitting rings

He ends up in the ER, where his legs get amputated

He learns to run on his hands

This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever said

A Mortal Kombat game where all the deaths are canon, so there’s only 2 guys

left!

Ooh!

What about if Ganon-

Ugh

-was riding on a Yoshi, and then falls into a pit-

The Splatoon field janitor decides he’s had enough and quits!

Wait, I think I’ve got it!

Lay it on me genius rapper!

What if Mario rode Yoshi and then fell into a-

No!

Here’s when Brian likes when sound effects get introduced

But we used our money on that fart from album two!

To bring this record home, we need one more genius breakthrough

So now enjoy as we Auto-Tune that fart ten times for you!