Confessions - Tim Minchin

I believe that women have the right

To walk the streets at night

And not be afraid for their lives

And I believe a woman has the right

To choose what happens to her body

Without suffering the judgement

Of the conservative right

And I believe a woman has the right

To wear the clothes she likes

Without being treated like dirt

And I think we men are pathetic

How we seem to judge aesthehic

As the measure of a woman’s worth

I’m ashamed on behalf of my sex

For making women feel like objects

Fuck I love boobs though

I just really love them

Fuck I love boobs though

I just want to rub them

They’re just so jooby

They make me feel groovy

I would rather watch boobs than a movie

Ba doop-e-do

I just really love boobs

I believe the people are entitled

To basic human rights

Whether they’re rich or they’re poor

And I believe a world where no children are starving

Is a world worth fighting for

And I try to remind myself

Even when I’m struggling

How incredibly lucky I am

And I don’t think it’s okay

That the luxuries I crave

Should come at the expense of my fellow men

I’m sure I could do a little more

To alleviate the suffering of the poor

Fuck I love boobs though

I just really love them

I don’t really mind if

I am behind, below, or above them

They’re just so bubbly

They make me feel lovely

I would rather own boobs than a pub

Ba doop-e-do

I just really love boobs

I believe the planet that we live in

Is a living organism

And we must treat her carefully

I don’t think we should assume

We can go on consuming

Her resources indefinitely

The world’s not a bottomless pit

And we can all do our little bit

Fuck I love boobs though

I just really care for 'em

They are equally fun

When they’re twenty-one

Or octegenarian

They’re just so flappy

They make me feel happy

I would rather eat boobs than a bap

Ba doop-e-doop de do

I just really love boobs

Evolutionary theory says bosoms

Are buttocks like protrusions

Designed to tempt men

When they can’t get a glimpse of your bum

I find such hypotheses dumb

It’s like the one that says

Lipstick is for making your lips look more

Like the lips of a happy vagina

Since they said that I can’t

Look my great aunt in the eye

Why’d they have to say that, oh why?

From the first little suck of colostrum

To the grope of the nurse in the old people’s hostel

We’re just fucking monkeys in shoes

And I will always love boobs

I will always love boobs