Inflatable You - Tim Minchin

Your love for me is not debatable

Your sexual appetite’s insatiable

You never ever make me wait-able

Delectable, inflatable you

You don’t have problems with your weight at all

You never steal food off my plate at all

I never have to masturbate at all

Unstoppable, inflatable you

You never seem to menstruate at all

So you’re not angry when I’m late at all

I feel permanently felatable

Unpoppable, inflatable you

With you in my arms I feel we could just fly away

With the right kind of gas, I might even try it some day

In this ocean of life I’m never afraid I might drown

We could just float forever, whatever the weather

Whenever my inflatable lover’s around

Your thighs and buttocks are so holdable

You always do just what you’re told-able

And if we argue, you’re just foldable

Controllable, consolable you

My mates all reckon you are suitable

I took you 'round to watch the football

And Steve and Gary said you’re rootable

Refutable, commutable you

You’re never sensitive or tickly

When I rub you, my skin goes prickly

It’s known as static electricity

Felicity, when I’m kissing you

Your skin is so smooth — I couldn’t afford you with hair

You have all the holes real girls have got, plus one for the air

Your problems are simple, I don’t need my Masters in Psych

To know if you get down, I just perk you right up

With a couple of squirts with the pump of my bike

You never wake up when I snore at all

A trait which I find quite adorable

You have a box and you are storable

Ignorable, back-doorable you

Any sexual position’s feasible

Although you don’t bend at the knees at all

Your hooters are so firm and squeezable

Increasable, uncreasable you

You don’t complain about my hairy back

Or 'bout the inches that downstairs I lack

You’re not disgusted by my furry crack

Burt Bacharach… Jack Kerouac… ooh

Now, birth control is not an issue

I clean it all off with a…

I bet my jealous friends all wish you

Were insatiably, inflatably theirs

Don’t let me down

Don’t let me down

Don’t let me down

And I won’t let you down